Looking at this picture makes me smile. Every time. That's why I have it as my wallpaper on my computer :) Each time he kicks me, it reminds me that there's actually someone in there...that this is real.
It hardly feels real though. It's still so ridiculous for me to think that in less than 3 months im going to have a baby boy. That I will have someone who counts on me more than anyone else in the world. It's such a scary and amazing thought.
I have dreams about him a lot. Well, it was a her once, about a week ago. lol. Its crazy how real my dreams feel, how real my feelings in them feel. Something that trips me out is that every time I dream about him, its usually right after he's born, but for some reason he can talk to me. Right away he's able to talk, and he tells me he loves me :)
I like to think that my dreams are a cosmic way of us communicating. I feel like we're already so connected. He knows when I need comforting, or to be reminded that I love him, and he'll start kicking up a storm :)
I really do love being pregnant. Mostly now, now that its more real that there's a person in there. What an amazingly wonderful miracle is occurring, right inside me. I am creating a life. I can hardly believe it. There are some less than stellar parts of being pregnant though, that I could honestly do without. Let's start with the fact that I pee every hour or two, which can be extremely annoying when you're half asleep and finally comfortable! That's something else, getting comfortable. UGH! I have to have a pillow in between my legs, under my stomach and behind my back, on top of the ones under my head. I also probably switch from one side to the other every two hours because my butt cheek and leg on one side will start to tingle. lol. What a mess. Let's see, what else...Well, I recently took my rings off because I noticed how tight they were, and struggled with one of them. My hands AND feet are swollen, not just swollen but also extremely itchy. My feet have been itching like Crrrrrrrrrrrazy for the last couple of weeks! On a brighter note, my complexion is beautiful :) It's probably the best its been since before I hit puberty. hahah
On a side note, I'd like to make a quick complaint about "the sperm donor" aka Michael. I actually feel kinda back using that phrase. Although that's kinda how it feels...even though we aren't together, I still think I should feel supported. Guess its just not that simple. So here's my complaint. I texted him today to say have a good first day back. (He was supposed to start back with the construction with his dad, after 3 months of not working because of his broken leg) Well, he said he isn't working because of this and that. I won't get too into it. Anyway...He asked how I was and how work was. (I hadn't talked to him since last week when we fought, and if you knew why we fought, you'd probably understand a little more why I couldn't help bringing it up) So I texted him back with a question about his work, that work was good for me and that I was good, had some scares but otherwise good. Okay, so...If I were him and I saw that text, the FIRST thing I would say is "Scares, what scares? Are you okay? Is the baby okay? What happened?" Or something along those lines, because I would want to make sure everything was ok and know what happened. Well, needless to say, he doesn't share the same sentiment. He replied about his work and that is it. He didn't say anything about me or the baby being okay. I mean, yeah, obviously we're okay now...but something really scary could've happened and he didn't care enough to ask. Yeah it was only that I was having what I'm told were probably Braxton Hicks, but he doesn't know that.
You would just think that he would care enough to check up on, if not me, then at least the baby. It makes me wonder how he'll be once the baby is actually born.
Ugh. Whatever. I'm getting reminded constantly of how much more my son and I deserve. And how much better we could be treated and cared for.
I came up with this quote today..its similar to ones I've heard before, but I revised it:
"What you want right now could be so much less than what you deserve. Hold out for what you deserve and what you'll end up with is so much more than what you think you want"
Whatdya think? :)
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